The 15 Best Things Said on The Bachelor, Week 5


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Hello, Bachelor Bracket fans! Kim from Head Over Feels here to once again take you through the 15 funniest things said in this installment of Juan Pablo's "adventure" on The Bachelor. This week we head to Vietnam where sunny single mom Renee and whiny nurse Nikki FINALLY get their Juan on Juan dates on. And things get a little interesting when Clare decides to not only dominate the group date...but take it into the after hours.

To the best soundbites of the week!

"It's like "Where in the World is Carmen SanDiego". He travels, we follow." - Kat

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Devastated I couldn't find an actual "Where in the World..." gif. As I immediately started singing the theme song when Kat said this. "She goes from Nashville to Norway, Zaire to Zimbabwe, Chicago to Czechoslovakia...AND BACK!"

Yes, I still have it memorized. And yes, I am old.

"He makes my palms hurt." - Renee

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I've had a lot of physical reactions to men, but not once has one made my hands hurt...

"What am I doing here if I'm not getting a one on one date?" - Andi

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Let's remember that Andi is an ADA and instead of putting criminals into jail, she's on The Bachelor

"If Juan Pablo doesn't kiss me tonight, that's okay, it's okay...it's not really okay, but whatever." - Renee

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I lost count of how many times Renee said she was ready for Juan Pablo to kiss her.

"The first time in anyone's life that having no friends is an advantage." - Kelly on Clare

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Appropriate gif is appropriate.

"Me and Alli have had a really romantic morning." - Chelsie

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Sometimes you just need a romantic date with one of your lady friends. I'm sure Alli showed more attention to Chelsie than Juan Pablo would have on that date :-)

"We're still sitting here on Clare's one on one date with Juan Pablo." - Chelsie

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I am curious as to what other viewers thought of Clare's behavior on this date. I think my girl Kelly hit it on the head when she was said "She knows what she wants and she goes after it." I still think it is tacky though.

"I need to believe he sees me as a panda in a room full of brown bears." - Sharleen

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I will now use this line to all prospective boyfriends. SEE ME AS A PANDA OKAY?

I would also like to point out that Sharleen's dress was black and white. LIKE A PANDA. And I can't be the only one who has some SERIOUS back envy when it comes to her, can I? I need her workout routine pronto.

"Next thing you know...sucking face again. Sorry, mom. Another episode you can't watch." - Andi

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So basically, Andi's mom has only been allowed to watch the first episode...right? All these two do is make out.

"I can't form sentences right now cause all I can see is myself plumeting to the bottom." - Nikki

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Internet, how DARE you not have a proper gif of Bella Swan jumping off a cliff in New Moon?? In other news, I need to learn to make gifs.

I feel like I say this every week, but I love how every season the girls act surprised that they will have to go rappelling or bungee jump. It happens every season...and it's the perfect excuse to make a dumb comparison to falling in love.

It's like jumping off a cliff. EYE ROLL

"I either live or I die or I poop my pants." - Nikki

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I thought Nikki was going to finish the sentence as "I live or I die or I fall in love," so I was delighted she went the "poop my pants" route.

"I'm lost here." - Juan Pablo

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Us too, Juan Pablo. US TOO. YOU LIKE ERRYBODY SO MUCH.

"I know you're respecting me and Ben and that's really really sweet...but he knows what I'm doing." - Renee

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And what I am doing is going on national television to try and find a husband, screw my dignity and respect and just KISS ME.

"It's not about fair, it's about how you feel." - Clare

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In other words, "Please don't make me feel like a big ole slut for that hanky panky in the ocean that you were TOTALLY into, by the way."

"My allergies are awful." - Clare

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Clare, honey, NOBODY bought that your allergies were acting up. If Juan Pablo spent THAT much time talking to you and comforting you about your allergies, then step aside, ladies...he's mine.

Eliminated: Kelly, Alli, Danielle

These eliminations were not shocking in the slightest as the three of them probably had a collective screen time of 5 minutes with Juan Pablo. Though they all seemed to be well liked in the house...probably because no one saw them as a threat. I weep that I will have to endure the rest of the season without Kelly and her delightful soundbites. I can't wait to see you on The Women Tell All, gurl.