The Best Things Said on The Bachelor, Week 4


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Greetings Bachelor Bracket fans! Kim from Head Over Feels welcoming you to week 4 of Juan Pablo's "adventure". (Anyone else love Juan Pablo's distaste for The Bachelor's favorite word "journey"? Only me?)

This week Juan Pablo and his Harem journeyed (whoops, there I went and used that word!) to South Korea, a land where apparently they only eat crazy food, sing karaoke ALL THE TIME, and only wear neon clothing.

Tears were shed, kisses were kissed, and wonderful soundbites were said. Let's get to this week's highlights!

"Out of the states and into a whole new world." - Elise

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Obviously, I started singing this after Elise said that.

"I don't have to share a lot of things at home, like my boyfriend." - Nikki

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I was wondering when the "Juan Pablo is MIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINE!!" declarations would start in earnest. Also, I find it highly amusing that EVERY SEASON the girls seem to be SHOCKED that they have to share The Bachelor of the month. Have you WATCHED the show??

"If there were a sign that said "I'M THE BEST AT THIS!!!" I'm sure she would put it on her forehead." - Nikki on Kat

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Seriously, if looks could kill, Kat and her fly dance moves, would be six feet under. Nikki was shooting some serious DAGGERS. Was Kat drawing attention to herself? Sure. But at least she was having FUN unlike Nikki, who despite saying she wasn't going to pout, did nothing BUT pout.

"I hope we're performing for the South Korean school of the blind." - Nikki

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Honestly, I could have filled this whole post with Nikki's bitchy comments. I found this one particularly amusing :-)

"You can't get what you want by being fake. It doesn't work that way." - Nikki

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So says one of the faker ladies on the show.

"I'd be lying right now if I said that I'm in love and this is the man I'm meant to marry." - Sharleen

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Sharleen continues to impress with her unprecedented skepticism and class. Sure she had butterflies in her eyes at the end of the date, but I think they were merited.

"I can definitely now say after having done sufficient research that Juan Pablo is a good kisser." - Sharleen

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I'll admit that even my cold, dead, cynical, and jaded heart melted a little bit during this date. Which means Sharleen will be heading home before Hometown Dates. (I haven't read spoilers {for once} so that's just pure speculation based on my history with the ladies I like on this show.)

"Renee's feet are the tastiest. The fish are eating her feet alive." - Lauren

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Coming soon to a theatre near you: Death by Fish Pedicure!!

"You say you don't want to eat Octopus, that's the first thing I'm going to give you. You just made the worst mistake of your life." - Juan Pablo

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Well, biggest mistake after applying to be on The Bachelor that is.

"Of all the things in the world, she's scared of eating octopus. You can get that at the Italian restaurant down the street anywhere in Chicago." - Alli

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Seriously, Clare. Calamari is YUMMY.

"Her piece was literally (pinches fingers together) this big. And I KNOW you've swallowed bigger things than that." - Kelli on Clare

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Obviously, I took this quote in the most lurid direction possible and nearly fell off my couch laughing. It also furthers my theory that the producers are having Juan Pablo keep Kelli as long as possible because she is hilarious...because I think they've shown them talking to each other MAYBE once.

"I don't want my daughter to be seeing her dad kiss 20 girls." - Juan Pablo

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A) But clearly having Camila seeing him kiss 6 women is fine. #standards B) Isn't Camila a bit young for The Bachelor?

"I just think Clare is really possessive. And she's like "Is that a bad thing??" Well it's not...if you're a dog." - Kelli

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Clare = the dog Juan Pablo = the teddy bear

But seriously...Clare has a serious case of the crazy eyes going on. What would she rank on the How I Met Your Mother Hot/Crazy scale? Stay tuned!

"OH MY GOD I ATE OCTOPUS. Do you know what happened? I threw up in my mouth. But I swallowed it back down." - Clare

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I mean that's definitely what I would tell a dude I was desperately trying to impress. "LOOK AT WHAT I ATE FOR YOU!!! AND I SWALLOWED MY VOMIT FOR YOU!"

Also, this made Kelli's impression of Clare earlier in the episode all the more hilarious!

"People will have to fly back home 12 hours feeling rejected. And that's no fun." - Juan Pablo

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Poll: Does Team Bachelor fly these ladies home first class so they can at least cry into their free alcohol?

Eliminated: Elise and Lauren

So long Lauren...maybe try and let the guy put the moves on you first next time. And Elise...I'll miss your judging the ages of people 2 years younger than you. Who are STILL ON THE SHOW, I may point out.

Next week Juan Pablo and his harem head to Vietnam, where it seems like bulldog Clare will become even more possessive of her teddy bear Juan Pablo. See you then!